


Sam's Confessional

by bangin_patchouli



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Confessional, Gen, Purification, Sam Winchester - Freeform, god trials, sammy confessing, third trial
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-30
Updated: 2014-10-30
Packaged: 2018-02-23 04:39:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2534492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bangin_patchouli/pseuds/bangin_patchouli
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Placed in ' Sacrifice ' where Sam has to purify his blood with a confessional.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sam's Confessional

**Author's Note:**

> I actually wrote down their exact dialogue until Sam says," Here it goes." So all before that is really not mine. Everything after is.

~

        As Dean walked out of the church, thunder crashed above the brothers. Sam was pouring holy water into a container when Dean walked over to him.

      " He's prime,"Dean said, turning to face Sam." How you feelin'?"

      " Honestly," Sam paused, looking down at thw water he was pouring." For the first time in a long time, it feels like we're going to win. I'm good."

      " Alright, well, no dancing in the end zone until we're finished. What does the father's playbook say now?" Dean asked for further instructions. Sam reached into the trunk of the car and grabbed the lid to the jar and put it back on before answering.

      " Well, now that we got the consecrated ground, we just give Crowley one dose of blood," Sam reached into the trunk again, this time pulling out a small black case, and a needle out of that,"every eight hours, and seal the deal with a bloody fist sandwich. That should do it..." Sam finished, wiping off the needle.

      " But the blood's supposed to be purified, isn't it?" Dean said, shifting on his feet. Sam didn't answer, just looked away." You ever, uh, done the 'forgive me father' before?" Sam nodded.

      " Yeah, once. When we were kids..." He stopped briefly." Which is why I have no _clue_ what to say now."

      " I could give you... Suggestions? If you want..." Dean offered.

      Sam, slightly curious, answered," Uh, o-okay, yeah, sure." Dean shuffled around, looking around then back at Sam.

      " Spit-ballin' here, but if _I_ were you, uh... Ruby? Killing Lillith, letting Lucifer out... Losing your soul... Not looking for me when I went to Purgatory - "

      " Thanks..." Sam said, slightly heated, turning back to the trunk of the Impala to get the bag.

      " For starters," Dean finished. Sam put the bag under his arm and started walking to the church." Or, hey! How about what you did to Penny Marcal in the 6th grade? Why don't you lead with that," Dean suggested. Sam turned back to his brother, looking at him in confusion.

      " W- that was you..." Dean looked at the paint on his car, looking back. " Carry on, " Dean said, remembering that it in fact _was_ him. Sam turned back aroiund and walked into the church confession. The door creaked open and Sam looked around the small, dark, tattered room. He shut the door and sat down on the small seat, looking briefly through the hole in the door. He looked up at the ceiling, taking a deep breath, thinking about what to say.

      " Okay..." Sam paused, clasping his hands together and nervously clearing his throat. "If anybody's listening... Here it goes..."

**( A/N: This is where I start writing what didn't happen in the episode. )**

      Sam looked around again, hearing the wind through the creaky, old church. He didn't know where to start, but he _did_ know where it was going to end up. Sam let out a quiet, dry laugh, looking down at his hands.

      " I, uh... I don't even know where to start..." Sam thought back to his childhood, looking for something to say." I'm... I'm sorry for all the times I messed up on a case. Like when I was ten, and we were hunting that werewolf, and I accidentally shot the gun and almost got us killed..." Sam let out a low chuckles. It was so long ago, Sam thought, easier... " I-I'm sorry for not killing Amy when I should have, just because of old feelings. I'm sorry for not realizing that Ruby was bad news," Sam started, more confidently, taking Dean's advice. " I'm sorry for letting Lucifer out, and I'm sorry for losing my soul, and not looking for Dean when he was in Purgatory..." Sam's mind flooded with all his mistakes. His palms felt clammy and his eyes stung slightly. He felt like his heart was physically hurting, and he hated it.

        " I'm sorry for going to college. I'm sorry for not telling J-Jess... " His voice faltered." For not telling J-Jess about me and letting her... Letting her die!" Sam cried out softly, feeling two, hot tears fall onto his cheeks. Quickly, as if somebody were around, he wiped them away.

      " I'm sorry for not telling Dad what I should have, and I'm sorry for disobeying him and not listening to what he said all my life!" Sam's voice was filled with so much emotion. He was pouring his heart into words he didn't know if anyone would hear.

       " I'm sorry for all the times I made Cas feel like he wasn't needed, which is way to often. I..." Sam realized that his face was wet down his cheeks and nose, and he let the tears flow freely onto his skin.

      " Dean... I'm so sorry, Dean... I'm sorry I never realized that you were hurt, too, sometimes, and that you need just as much help as me. I'm sorry that I never was exactly like you, Dean! I always wanted to be!" Sam was a little kid again, in a flashback where he was watching Dean clean his gun. Sam was 7 years old.. _I wanna be just like you, Dean..._ He had whispered, to where Dean couldn't hear.

      " Dean," Sam whispered, barely audible, tears streaming, now, down his face." I'm sorry for all the times I let you down." Sam did feel different. A weight, a small one, had been lifted from him. He fell gently onto the wooden piece of furniture, his body racking with sobs. Sam's arms were wet and pressed up against his body. He hugged himself, because he was alone. He did feel alone. Hours, it felt like to Sam. He sat up, wiped his face, and stood.

      " God, I h-" He hiccupped." Hope that was enough..." He finished as he walked out to start the third trial.


End file.
